I never really thought about killing them, or learning more about them. I wasn't even interested in the outside world. When I mentioned this to other people, they asked me why I joined the Scouting Legion. I used to say "I don't know," and that was true. I honestly did not know why I joined the Scouting Legion until I was nearly eaten alive. I was still an amateur then, ignorant.
But that doesn't change anything. I'm still an ignorant amateur. However, I'm only an ignorant amateur in the world I live in, since I barely know what a cow tastes like, or how bees make honey. I've learned, though, that there are people in this world that only care about one thing, and will sacrifice anything for that one thing. And those are the strongest of people.
"(Name)! Hey, (Name)!"
I looked up. Hanji stood above me beside the table, her brown eyes twinkling. Her smile was so wide, her glasses were slightly moved up. This description summed up one thing: She found new knowledge.
"What is it, Hanji-san?" I asked, still not awake from my daydream.
"You would not believe this! Did you know that Commander Irvin's penis is approximately 19.7 centimeters long?"
I felt my face get warm. She knew I had some feelings for the Commander. "Hanji-san, don't say such things!" I said, hiding my face. "You're very perverted..."
Hanji-san laughed. "Oh, you know I'm kidding. I just love experimenting on living things!"
"Experimenting? More like teasing," I muttered.
We both froze. This cough was familiar. Low, strict, commanding. We slowly turned our faces to where the sound came from. And we feared correctly: Irvin Smith stood by the door, his face expressionless. His blonde hair, blue eyes, posture: everything was the same as everyday, yet I was still blushing.
Then I realized about the situation Hanji-san and I were both in. We were supposed to clean all the closets on the first floor. Not only that, but he might have heard what Hanji-san had said.
"Aren't you ladies supposed to be doing something?" the commander said, still expressionless.
"Oh, sorry about that. We'll get right to it, right (Name)? Ahahaha..." Hanji-san laughed as she tried to walk out the door.
However, the Commander stopped her. "I'm afraid you'll be cleaning those closets by yourself, Hanji." He gave her the "I-heard-what-you-said" look. When Hanji got the point, she went downstairs, sulking.
"I-I'm sorry sir," I said, my face feeling like it was being burned. "I'll clean with her so--"
"No need for that."
I blinked. "Then sir, what would you like me to do?"
"I want you to sit," Irvin said sternly as he lightly nudged me back into my seat.
I sat there in silence as the emotionless Commander walked to the window. He stared outside, his hand behind his back. I wondered when and how he became so proper. He hadn't always been like that. However, as a young child, I remembered he still cared for humanity as much as he did now.
"You heard about the titan-shifter, correct?" Irvin asked suddenly, making me jump.
"Y-yes sir. I was at the courtroom at that time," I answered.
"Then you know when we are going outside the walls, yes?"
Irvin turned his body towards me. The sun lit behind him, making his blue eyes glow. He looked unbelievable beautiful, just like back then. Yes... Back then.
"You will be in my squad," Irvin said.
My heart skipped a beat. I hadn't been in the same squad as the Commander since that incident. "And why is that, sir?" I asked, nervously.
Irvin's eyebrows knit together. His blue eyes looked like they were thinking a thousand things at once, like an ocean storm. "To keep an eye on you."
I felt my face get red. I could imagine myself getting eaten by a titan because of the lack of paying attention if Irvin was staring at me all the time. But then again, I had no idea what he was talking about. I never really did anything stupid. "Pardon me for asking, but for what reason?"
Irvin started his way towards me. I was surprised, since if he wanted me closer, he would have asked me to get up. He took a chair that was close to me and sat down, his arms and legs crossed. His posture was still perfect. "You do very stupid things, (Last-Name)."
"I do?" I laughed, swallowing the offense.
"Yes," the Commander said, leaning over, his arms and legs uncrossed. I looked up, and his face was centimeters apart. Perhaps this was the punishment for me for talking about the Commander like that, because my heart was about to explode. His extremely faint wrinkles showed that he wasn't perfect, and that's what I loved about him. His eyes looked like he had seen too much of death, like he had lived his life in a cemetery. However, he still looked gentle in a way.
I realized I was examining his face too much. "I-I'm sorry that I do stupid things, sir," I said, trying to break the awkwardness. I looked down, my face feeling as if it were being branded. I couldn't handle being this close to Irvin. I was always far away from him, always behind him.
Suddenly, something lifted up my face. I realized it was a hand. Then I realized it was Irvin's hand. When I saw Irvin's face, I didn't understand. He looked concerned, as if he was looking at a starving child and didn't have any food to give that child. His eyes were half open, like he had just woken up.
"Commander...?" I managed to say, afraid if my voice wasn't going to come out.
Irvin realized what he was doing and let go. He stood up immediately, but swiftly. In the same gentle motion, he walked to the window, his back facing me. "You are dismissed."
I got up clumsily, not able to feel my feet. I walked out the door, wondering what had gotten into the stern Commander Irvin Smith.